This is a lovely reflection, vōx. Thank you for sharing it and asking the questions.
My values have changed quite a lot over time as well. It's hard for me to identify what my values were when I was younger. I was so starved for love, acceptance, and inclusion that I feel like everything in my life revolved in some way around seeking that. Also, I really wanted to make a living doing something I love. I also had a strong sense of wanting to find some way to make a positive impact in the world.
Today, I believe everything I do revolves around being a safe space for individuals to heal. I want to make a difference in the world by giving something meaningful to each person I encounter. I believe that helping the one in front of me eventually changes the world in positive ways. I hope that sharing my experiences - my journey to wholeness from alienation from self and others, from self-loathing, and from a belief in my weakness and incapability - will spark insight for others on their path of finding relief from suffering.
And, I forgot to say that I believe and have experienced that following this path offers an abundance of opportunities for me to thrive and grow and be rewarded. It's not entirely about others. It reflects my deep belief that our well-being is entirely linked to the well-being of others. I have been blessed to lead a team at work, and it's made it crystal clear that when I make everything about helping them grow to succeed individually, I succeed, and so does the company. It really gives me a sense of daily purpose and joy in using my gifts.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Your reflection really moved me. I felt such resonance in your words about being starved for love and shaped by that hunger. This was definitely me too, especially in my 2018 values exercise. The love I was starved for was love from myself 🥹❤️🩹 It’s so powerful to witness how your values have evolved into something so rooted in presence, healing, and meaningful connection. That intention to be a safe space for others is beautiful, and I believe the impact of that kind of care ripples out more than we ever really know!
"The love I was starved for was love for myself"... YES. But I was confused. I thought someone else could fill that yearning. So glad I had someone to help me see. 🥲❤️
I think creativity (I write poetry), kindness/lovingkindness, community and advocacy are my top values. I write at least a line of poetry a day, sometimes just a short description, and do more if I’m able, and it keeps me connected to creative energy, which I believe adds meaning or purpose to my life.
I love this reflection! Chronic illness has certainly changed (or maybe brought to light) my priorities, and I don’t even have it “that bad” (I can get out of bed and go to work, my medications help most days). But when you have to decide if have the energy eating or showering (for the umpteenth day in a row), it certainly puts things into perspective.
Thank you so much! What you said about priorities becoming clearer really resonates. Those constant energy trade-offs can be so invisible to others, but they change everything.
Thank you for this! The values you hold dear today are the same as mine! I've pared down my belongings and moved into a smaller space to make my handicap of chronic pain more manageable. Therefore, all of the art and books are my favorite ones, and the beauty around me can elevate my soul. So I see where aesthetics is not a shallow thing!
My good friends and sisters who "get me" are few and far between, but I keep in touch religiously by text and phone. When I can manage a face to face visit, it's my favorite thing!
My community is mostly 12 Step, and I can feel just as close to my comrades over zoom, as in person.
So, while it's not always easy, it's a good life if I let it be! nora ann.
Thank you, nora ann! Your words really touched me. ❤️🩹 I love the way you’ve created beauty and meaning in your space and connections. It’s so true: community, art, and intention can carry us through. So grateful we resonate. ☺️
"Without peace and acceptance in my inner world, I was in turmoil from both sides, physically and mentally."
These words ring so true with me. I lived with chronic infection for 30+ years. I am very blessed to have met a Doctor 5 years ago that realized I had a genetic immune deficiency. I do a weekly infusion of immunoglobulin and I no longer stay continuously ill. Depression, not surprising, was also a big part of my story. The past 5 years I've been walking out my healing journey and I can most definitely tell you your words speak exactly what that journey has included. Healing on every level.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Carolyn. I’m moved by your story and so glad you finally found answers and support. It means a lot to know my words resonated with your healing journey! Wishing you continued strength and peace on the path ahead.
“You don’t have to become an exceptional sick person.” So important to hear and say this. Thank you for that. I really appreciate your reflection about how your values have and are changing. It’s amazing how much beautiful work and change can come from something so hard.
Maybe the biggest change I’ve had is learning to value the effort I put in more than the outcome I achieve/what I’m able to accomplish. In general, I see a tenderness toward people and myself that I think I was genuinely scared of having before. Because what if I’m not really worthy? That fear is gone now, and I feel so much more free.
Carina, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. That shift from tying worth to achievement to honoring the effort itself is so powerful. I feel it’s a similar thing I do in trying to appreciate the journey instead of always looking forward to the outcome. ☺️ I’m so moved to hear that fear has lifted for you. What a freeing, beautiful change. I’m grateful we get to share these moments of redefinition together. 💞
I've been chronically ill since I was six with Crohn's Disease. Needless to say, I don't remember what my values where that long ago! And I am fairly sure than in any comparison between little kid me and middle aged me the age difference would swamp anything else. Nevertheless, you have got me thinking about my pre- and post- autism diagnosis values. This is so new that a lot is still in flux, especially because I didn't do much with it for several months. But it could be interesting to track my values, do the exercise you did ever couple of months or so and see how they changed if at all.
I love that idea! Tracking your values over time sounds like such a compassionate way to witness your own evolution, especially with something as life shifting as a diagnosis. There’s so much in flux after that kind of clarity, I know for me it was a series of aha moments, and giving yourself space to explore it feels really wise. Thanks for sharing. 💛
This is exactly the thing that I keep telling myself that I want to do. To make a list with as said values and to have a starting point that somehow guides me in this life where I feel lost and an outcast. I share your need for greatness and influence - God knows why - I need to prove myself with energy levels and general health that allow me only to survive, not to live. Thanks for sharing this useful information.
Thank you for sharing this, Alexandra. It means so much to know it resonated. I really feel that tension too: the longing to do something meaningful while living in a body that demands slowness and survival first. I hope the list you write can become a gentle compass, not a pressure. Sending care as you navigate it all. 💛
Yes! I think a lot of people have aspirational values, but when you no longer value striving to be something other than yourself, your actual embodied values become so clear. My values are not found in who I want to be. My values are seen in who I'm actually being with my choices each day. Some of my values these days include gentleness, ease/flow, nourishment, spirituality, and harmony. But my most important value is being myself.
I love these values! They’re beautiful. And you’ve highlighted exactly why my values became embodied instead of aspirational. Through finding myself and accepting myself in my autism and disabilities, I lost the need to aspire to be anyone else ❤️🩹
Yes! Was just saying earlier today how chronic illness reorders our lives, and that absolutely includes values. I often do a value sort with clients to help identify where these things have shifted, and boy have I had to grapple with the forced shifts myself. Values work can be so helpful to finding something to anchor into when everything is in limbo!
I love that you do this work with your clients. It’s so helpful! Another aspect I like is reflecting on how aligned we are with our chosen values, because sometimes that misalignment can be a big source of suffering. Striving for a certain value but feeling you’re not reaching it yet is painful. ❤️🩹
Absolutely! That’s the first piece of the puzzle that I often explore with people because if people are living a life without their values reflected and embodied, it will often cause or contribute to unwanted feelings or behaviors.
This is a lovely reflection, vōx. Thank you for sharing it and asking the questions.
My values have changed quite a lot over time as well. It's hard for me to identify what my values were when I was younger. I was so starved for love, acceptance, and inclusion that I feel like everything in my life revolved in some way around seeking that. Also, I really wanted to make a living doing something I love. I also had a strong sense of wanting to find some way to make a positive impact in the world.
Today, I believe everything I do revolves around being a safe space for individuals to heal. I want to make a difference in the world by giving something meaningful to each person I encounter. I believe that helping the one in front of me eventually changes the world in positive ways. I hope that sharing my experiences - my journey to wholeness from alienation from self and others, from self-loathing, and from a belief in my weakness and incapability - will spark insight for others on their path of finding relief from suffering.
And, I forgot to say that I believe and have experienced that following this path offers an abundance of opportunities for me to thrive and grow and be rewarded. It's not entirely about others. It reflects my deep belief that our well-being is entirely linked to the well-being of others. I have been blessed to lead a team at work, and it's made it crystal clear that when I make everything about helping them grow to succeed individually, I succeed, and so does the company. It really gives me a sense of daily purpose and joy in using my gifts.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Your reflection really moved me. I felt such resonance in your words about being starved for love and shaped by that hunger. This was definitely me too, especially in my 2018 values exercise. The love I was starved for was love from myself 🥹❤️🩹 It’s so powerful to witness how your values have evolved into something so rooted in presence, healing, and meaningful connection. That intention to be a safe space for others is beautiful, and I believe the impact of that kind of care ripples out more than we ever really know!
"The love I was starved for was love for myself"... YES. But I was confused. I thought someone else could fill that yearning. So glad I had someone to help me see. 🥲❤️
Beautiful piece! I can relate to the changes chronic illness brings. Recently I defined my values with the help of my therapist. They are:
Purpose
Feeling Met
Abundance
Beauty
Peace
Creativity
Joy/fun
Meaning
So much of this is met here on Substack! I'm with you on beauty.... it's vital.
I love these! I relate to so many of your values, and I also agree wholeheartedly that the Substack community has been filling my heart and soul 🥹🙌💞
I think creativity (I write poetry), kindness/lovingkindness, community and advocacy are my top values. I write at least a line of poetry a day, sometimes just a short description, and do more if I’m able, and it keeps me connected to creative energy, which I believe adds meaning or purpose to my life.
These are such beautiful values. Poetry is a wonderful creative outlet! I love that you make the space to write every day ☺️✨
Love this! And the intro about toxic positivity. 💗
Thank you Lisa! I appreciate it 💞
I love this reflection! Chronic illness has certainly changed (or maybe brought to light) my priorities, and I don’t even have it “that bad” (I can get out of bed and go to work, my medications help most days). But when you have to decide if have the energy eating or showering (for the umpteenth day in a row), it certainly puts things into perspective.
Thank you so much! What you said about priorities becoming clearer really resonates. Those constant energy trade-offs can be so invisible to others, but they change everything.
Thank you for this! The values you hold dear today are the same as mine! I've pared down my belongings and moved into a smaller space to make my handicap of chronic pain more manageable. Therefore, all of the art and books are my favorite ones, and the beauty around me can elevate my soul. So I see where aesthetics is not a shallow thing!
My good friends and sisters who "get me" are few and far between, but I keep in touch religiously by text and phone. When I can manage a face to face visit, it's my favorite thing!
My community is mostly 12 Step, and I can feel just as close to my comrades over zoom, as in person.
So, while it's not always easy, it's a good life if I let it be! nora ann.
Thank you, nora ann! Your words really touched me. ❤️🩹 I love the way you’ve created beauty and meaning in your space and connections. It’s so true: community, art, and intention can carry us through. So grateful we resonate. ☺️
"Without peace and acceptance in my inner world, I was in turmoil from both sides, physically and mentally."
These words ring so true with me. I lived with chronic infection for 30+ years. I am very blessed to have met a Doctor 5 years ago that realized I had a genetic immune deficiency. I do a weekly infusion of immunoglobulin and I no longer stay continuously ill. Depression, not surprising, was also a big part of my story. The past 5 years I've been walking out my healing journey and I can most definitely tell you your words speak exactly what that journey has included. Healing on every level.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Carolyn. I’m moved by your story and so glad you finally found answers and support. It means a lot to know my words resonated with your healing journey! Wishing you continued strength and peace on the path ahead.
“You don’t have to become an exceptional sick person.” So important to hear and say this. Thank you for that. I really appreciate your reflection about how your values have and are changing. It’s amazing how much beautiful work and change can come from something so hard.
Maybe the biggest change I’ve had is learning to value the effort I put in more than the outcome I achieve/what I’m able to accomplish. In general, I see a tenderness toward people and myself that I think I was genuinely scared of having before. Because what if I’m not really worthy? That fear is gone now, and I feel so much more free.
Carina, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. That shift from tying worth to achievement to honoring the effort itself is so powerful. I feel it’s a similar thing I do in trying to appreciate the journey instead of always looking forward to the outcome. ☺️ I’m so moved to hear that fear has lifted for you. What a freeing, beautiful change. I’m grateful we get to share these moments of redefinition together. 💞
Thank you for this.
💞💞💞
Leaving a grateful comment for your presence and perspective in this space 😊☀️🌈✨
Thank you so much Lyndsey. Sending you gentle hugs 🫂💞
I love that you revisited your values and how this written story moved me. Thank you.
Thank you so much Rhalyn! That means the world to me 🥹❤️🩹
I've been chronically ill since I was six with Crohn's Disease. Needless to say, I don't remember what my values where that long ago! And I am fairly sure than in any comparison between little kid me and middle aged me the age difference would swamp anything else. Nevertheless, you have got me thinking about my pre- and post- autism diagnosis values. This is so new that a lot is still in flux, especially because I didn't do much with it for several months. But it could be interesting to track my values, do the exercise you did ever couple of months or so and see how they changed if at all.
I love that idea! Tracking your values over time sounds like such a compassionate way to witness your own evolution, especially with something as life shifting as a diagnosis. There’s so much in flux after that kind of clarity, I know for me it was a series of aha moments, and giving yourself space to explore it feels really wise. Thanks for sharing. 💛
This is exactly the thing that I keep telling myself that I want to do. To make a list with as said values and to have a starting point that somehow guides me in this life where I feel lost and an outcast. I share your need for greatness and influence - God knows why - I need to prove myself with energy levels and general health that allow me only to survive, not to live. Thanks for sharing this useful information.
Thank you for sharing this, Alexandra. It means so much to know it resonated. I really feel that tension too: the longing to do something meaningful while living in a body that demands slowness and survival first. I hope the list you write can become a gentle compass, not a pressure. Sending care as you navigate it all. 💛
Yes! I think a lot of people have aspirational values, but when you no longer value striving to be something other than yourself, your actual embodied values become so clear. My values are not found in who I want to be. My values are seen in who I'm actually being with my choices each day. Some of my values these days include gentleness, ease/flow, nourishment, spirituality, and harmony. But my most important value is being myself.
I love these values! They’re beautiful. And you’ve highlighted exactly why my values became embodied instead of aspirational. Through finding myself and accepting myself in my autism and disabilities, I lost the need to aspire to be anyone else ❤️🩹
Yes! Was just saying earlier today how chronic illness reorders our lives, and that absolutely includes values. I often do a value sort with clients to help identify where these things have shifted, and boy have I had to grapple with the forced shifts myself. Values work can be so helpful to finding something to anchor into when everything is in limbo!
I love that you do this work with your clients. It’s so helpful! Another aspect I like is reflecting on how aligned we are with our chosen values, because sometimes that misalignment can be a big source of suffering. Striving for a certain value but feeling you’re not reaching it yet is painful. ❤️🩹
Absolutely! That’s the first piece of the puzzle that I often explore with people because if people are living a life without their values reflected and embodied, it will often cause or contribute to unwanted feelings or behaviors.
Love this! My values have changed a bit too and look very similar to yours 🌸
Thank you so much Madelleine ☺️❤️🩹